A Day of Celebration

IT IS FINISHED!  THE BATTLE IS OVER!!!!!!

Today, I graduated from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill!!!!

I could not be more excited!  After 4 long years of papers, exams, and more readings than I knew what to do with, I am finally finished.  In that time, I have lived in 4 different homes, 3 different cities, gone to 2 different universities, and walked away with 1 Bachelor's degree in Global Studies (and a minor in Arabic).  It was certainly a challenge, and I certainly enjoyed a lot of it, but I am very happy to finally finish that chapter of life.  I'm not sure where the future will take us, but I look forward to seeing what God has in store for us!  I also look forward to a lot more reading for pleasure, no more exams, learning for the fun of it...

Since I was not in Chapel Hill for graduation, we had a little graduation ceremony of our own here in Texas.  My in-laws all came to celebrate, and my nieces and nephews all got to be my classmates - they walked, received their diplomas, turned their tassels, and threw their caps!  On Saturday, I made construction paper caps for the kids, and a cardstock cap for myself.  They had yarn tassels, and the kids decorated the caps with stickers.  I also made little diplomas for each of them.  Jeff's brother-in-law also made this great Italian Cream Cake with blue icing - it was four layers of rich deliciousness!  Perfect with a cuppa tea :)

Before the ceremony this afternoon, we had a special lunch with diploma sandwiches (turkey and cheese rolled in a tortilla), and lots of fruits and veggies.  Then it was time for the ceremony!  We played "Pomp and Circumstance" (of course!) while my father-in-law (the acting Dean of Students) called out each name and presented each person with their diploma.  After we all got our diplomas, we turned our tassels and threw our caps in a fit of glee!  Then we got special graduation snacks - fruit roll up diplomas for the kids, and graduation cap chocolates (from Pinterest) for the grown-ups :)  My parents and sisters FaceTimed in to watch the ceremony, so even though they couldn't be there in person, they still got to celebrate with us.   And the super fun thing - my dress!  I just finished making it this week!  I'll post more about that later...

Today is also Mother's Day, which means I got to celebrate my wonderful mother.  Unfortunately, I couldn't be there to celebrate with her in person, so I sent her a gift instead and was FaceTimed in for the big reveal.  I made her a Grateful Jar, which is a jar filled with thank you notes so whenever she's feeling sad or unappreciated or missing her baby #2, she can pull one out and be reminded of how much I love her.  She loved it :)  I also got to celebrate my mother-in-law and my two sisters-in-law, all of them fantastic mothers who work tirelessly and selflessly for their families.

To be honest, this Mother's Day was bittersweet.  Sweet, because I got to celebrate all the wonderful mothers in my life (especially my own!) who have been such an encouragement to me.  Bitter, because I was painfully reminded that my first child would never be able to celebrate this day with me.  I would've been 22 weeks along today, over half way through. I read a blog post from Deeply Rooted magazine this week, and Allie Rasmussen wrote it beautifully:

We grieve deeply, but not “as others do who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13). We have hope to press on because we see His good gifts to us, even in our pain: our salvation, family members, His Body surrounding and comforting us. We have hope in knowing that this life never has the last word. Think of what awaits us that we do not yet see: God himself, along with the precious itty-bitty babies that we never got to hold or know. We have babies to miss but to rejoice in meeting someday, with the One who saved us from our sin and promises all will be made right and new. Author Timothy Keller writes, “If the death of Jesus Christ happened for us and he bore our hopelessness so that now we can have hope—and if the resurrection of Jesus Christ happened—then even the worst things will turn into the best things, and the greatest are yet to come.”

So today, I'm celebrating.  Celebrating the end of college, celebrating precious time with family, celebrating the women who pour out their lives to raise us and care for us, and I'm celebrating the hope I have in Christ that all will be made new.

Lettering Process

One of my favorite things about hand lettering is getting to see it progress from an idea in my head to a finished piece of artwork.  I love looking at the transformation!  When I'm working on a new design, it often takes several hours to complete.  I usually start with a rough sketch on scrap paper, and then start drawing guidelines in pencil.   I draw the entire thing out in pencil first, and then outline it with Micron pens.  They're really reliable, and having multiple sizes makes my life a whole lot easier! Once everything is outlined, I carefully fill it in (with pen, this can take a REALLY long time), and touch up the edges with a super fine pen.  Then I erase all the guidelines!  Here's some examples of pieces as they progress:

The Camping Shirt

This project has been in the works for quite some time now.  Back in January, after our first camping trip of the year, we endured some high winds and cold weather.  After that, Jeff decided he wanted a Merino wool undershirt to keep him warm.  And he wanted me to make it for him.

Cue nervous stomach butterflies.

Only once have I sewn something for someone other than myself, and it was a pretty poor quality.  I'm willing to live with imperfections and slightly skewed hems and such with things I make for myself - I call those little mess-ups my "only God is perfect" moments.  But I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to making things for other people.  Something that seems great to me all of a sudden seems less than acceptable if it's going to someone else.  It's an issue.  Of course, this issue was immediately compounded by the fact that it was for my husband.  I want him to be proud of my work, to show it off and be like, "look at this awesome shirt!  My wife made it from scratch!"  So when he seriously asked me to make this shirt, my perfectionism went into overdrive, and my level of nervousness that it wouldn't be good enough shot through the roof.

Merino wool is some fantastic stuff.  It is crazy warm!  It also keeps moisture off of the skin (to a degree) and dries relatively quickly.  It is also expensive.  Jeff wanted his shirt made out of Merino wool, since that's what a lot of the high quality undershirts were made out of at REI.  So I found a company that would sell a few yards of Merino wool fabric, and bought some.  I got it on sale, so it was only $15/yard, but that's still more than I've ever paid for fabric before.  Theoretically, it made it cheaper than buying a shirt from the store.  Theoretically.

I used another undershirt of Jeff's to draw my basic pattern. Then I measured again and again and again to make sure everything was even.  Then, I got some cheap knit fabric to test the pattern out, and sewed up the tester shirt.  Boy am I glad I did that!  The shirt did not fit well around the shoulders or underarms, and it was too tight across the back.  There were a number of adjustments that needed to be made.  So I began to read up on fitting armholes.

drawing my pattern pieces

all of the finished pieces!

making the tester shirt

a hot mess of a shoulder/armhole

Let me just tell you - if ever you're making your own clothes and find a pre-made pattern with armholes that fit well, use it for all of your armholes.  Drawing them from scratch is ridiculous.  Do-able, for sure, and easier with practice, but it was no easy feat.  My mother worked some miracles to get those armholes adjusted!

After we figured out the adjustments, we drew new pieces of patterns and taped them onto the old ones (so we wouldn't have to redraw all of the patterns).  Then we got some more tester fabric and sewed up a new tester shirt.  This one fit much better.  I made some final adjustments to the pattern and then prepared the Merino wool - it was go time!

Cue more nervous stomach butterflies.

I took my time lining up the fabric and cutting out all the pieces, checking and re-checking everything before I cut the fabric.  Then I went to work.  Once the sleeves were on, I had Jeff try it on.  The shoulders were a little off - possibly because of differences in stretch and stretch recovery - so I had to unpick, adjust, and resew the shoulders.  Then I attached the cuffs and finished it off with a hem using a twin needle (for the first time!).

Overall, I'm glad I could make something special for Jeff.  It's a great shirt for camping, and apparently for cold mornings at work.  It was a somewhat stressful experience, mostly because of the armhole debacle.  Fitting it was a mess.  On the bright side though, I now have a perfectly fit armhole pattern for Jeff!  All his future shirt projects should be considerably easier, once I recover from this one, that is...

the finished product!

The Lettering Project

Towards the end of last semester, I was looking for a way to procrastinate (no surprise there), and thought the perfect way to spend the afternoon would be to draw a special 90th birthday card for my Grammie Esther.  I found a cool font that I liked, and decided to recreate it by hand.  I had seen a lot of hand-lettering recently, and I thought it was really cool!  So after a few hours, I was surprised that my efforts turned out better than I had expected.  Thus the seed of hand-lettering was planted.

The more I looked at other works of hand-lettering, the more I fell in love with the idea.  I began paying closer attention to the smaller details of fonts and signs.  By exams, I had decided I wanted to do a 365 project - starting January 1st, I would do (at least) one piece of hand-lettering a day for an entire year.  Committing to that project was pretty daunting.  But I knew that if I wanted to improve a lot at lettering, I needed to practice it regularly.  So I did some research on materials, bought myself various sizes of black Micron pens (they're awesome!), and a notebook to get myself started.

My first month of hand-lettering was awesome!  The necessity of a piece a day fired up my imagination, and I attempted things I thought beyond my capability.  I found that when I took my time and worked hard and carefully, the pieces turned out better than I had imagined.  As I continued to post pictures of the pieces, family and friends began to encourage me to try to sell some of my work.  I thought that was silly, I wasn't anywhere near good enough for that.

Towards the end of January, intense fatigue set in.  Not with the project, that is.  I was physically exhausted all the time.  3 naps in a day? I rocked that. I found out that it was due to my pregnancy, and of course, I celebrated.  I began planning different ways to announce it - with hand-lettering of course!  But I also began to realize that it might not be feasible to complete the project.  I had missed a few days because of illness, and felt pressured to make them up by doubling up later on.  That really wasn't the point.  I didn't want to feel like it was a chore, something that just had to be completed.

By the time my energy started to come back, I lost our baby (more about that here).  I wasn't in a place to work on lettering every day.  So, I took a little break.  I grieved.  Still grieving, to be honest.  But after a little time, I started looking outwards again.  Ideas for lettering pieces started to form.  I created a piece that was - and is - incredibly dear to my heart.  It's my favorite yet, mostly because of what the words meant to me after losing our baby.  After I finished it, I decided to aim for 3 days of lettering a week.  More, if I felt like it.  It was a way to continue the project, knowing that some days I just can't handle picking up the pen.

Now, back in January, when family was encouraging me to sell my artwork, I had looked into opening an Etsy shop.  It looked like a neat way to sell my work, but I was put off by having to pay to list items.  It's not that much, but it still bugged me, enough to use that as justification for not doing it.  Well, the more I thought about it, the more I felt like maybe I was not doing it because I was scared of rejection, and worried that no one would buy anything.  The thought annoyed me in a way - I was never that way as a kid.  Growing up, I would set my mind on something, and go get it, regardless of what my peers thought, or even what my family thought.  But now, I seem to by hyper aware of what other people think regarding my work.  For the most part, what others think hasn't been an issue, only how I view my work as compared to other work.  Bad idea.  I'll never be good enough in my own mind by comparing my work to other people's.  So I'm continuing to put my work out there to be enjoyed, and constantly trying to only compare my work to earlier versions in order to see improvement.

Now then, for this week.  Earlier this week, a friend of mine (who has a super cool Etsy shop of her own) posted a link on Facebook that would allow someone to get their first 40 listings for free if they opened their Etsy shop through her link.  It looked perfect!  My main objection, paying to list items, would no longer be a problem, at least for a little while.  I could try selling some things, and if it didn't work out, I could shut down the shop before I had to start paying for listings.  So before I could talk myself out of it, I went ahead and opened a shop.  !!!!!!!  Commence nervous butterflies in the stomach.  I put up a few items, made a banner for the store, and posted the link so my friends could see it.  That was yesterday.  Last night, I received my first order!  I just about jumped out of my skin.  I'm still really excited about it!!! All of the pieces for sale at the moment are made to order, so this morning I got to sit down and create a piece for someone.  I can't wait for them to get it, and I hope it brings them as much joy as it did me in creating it.

Letters are something we take for granted.  We don't think about them all that much, unless of course you're a graphic designer or an artist, but the impact a carefully created piece has can be incredible.  It gives me great joy to create things, especially if that thing might bring a smile to someone else's face.  Even if no one else saw my lettering, I would still love doing it.  The process from basic sketch to a finished inked piece is so much fun to see.  I love that moment at the end, just after I finish erasing the last of the pencil lines, and finally get to see the completed work, something that - not long ago - had been just a figment of my imagination.  My hope is that people can look at my work and smile.

So, without further ado, here is my Etsy shop!

Gone

A month ago, I found out that we lost our baby.  I thought I was being paranoid, going to the doctor over a little spotting, but as the ultrasound tech struggled to find a heartbeat, I realized that all my fears and worries over the last week had merit.

I found out I was pregnant in mid-January early one Sunday morning.  I had been exhausted for the previous few weeks, and I had this feeling that my body was working overtime.  I was so excited to see "pregnant" pop up on the test almost immediately.  I was about 6 weeks along.  We told immediate family and a couple close friends, and then the research began.  I read about the baby's growth and development, what to expect, birthing methods, all sorts of stuff.  Surprisingly, I wasn't sick.  I had occasional nausea in the evenings, but nothing a little zofran couldn't fix.  I had to quickly stop all my medications for my migraines since they weren't good for the baby, so I had a week of higher pain, but after that the raging hormones and chaos in my body helped my migraines settle down. Besides the exhaustion, I was feeling pretty good.  Every once in a while, I would get a little concerned that something was wrong because I kept reading that morning sickness usually signified a healthy pregnancy, but I always shook it off.

We had a nickname for the baby.  We talked about girl names and boy names, and my parents began to think of what our kids would call them.  I called my father-in-law "octo-paw," since our nieces and nephews call him Gpaw and our little one would be his eighth grandkid.  My mum started crocheting adorable baby stuff.  I had found a bunch of sewing patterns for clothes and diaper bags and changing stations - I was pumped for another great excuse for a whole lotta craftiness. Then, just shy of 8 weeks, we finally got to see little one!

The best part was hearing the heartbeat - it was strong!  Our baby was healthy, and I could not be happier.  What I didn't know was that a week later, that little heart stopped beating.  There was no pain, no bleeding, nothing to tell me that our baby had passed away.  The next week, I was worrying a lot about miscarriage.  I had no reason to think it would happen to me, but I guess some part of me knew that the baby was gone.  Then there was some spotting.  I had had little bits of spotting before, but this time I freaked out.  After talking with some doctor friends, we decided to wait until Monday and see the doctor then to check things out.  I desperately hoped and prayed that the baby was healthy.

I got in to see the doctor first thing Monday morning.  The ultrasound tech brought up a picture, and I could see our little one on the screen.  I was so happy to see that little bean, I could even see the outline of a sweet little nose growing.  Then came the bad news.  There was no heartbeat.  From measuring the baby, the doctor said it had stopped growing a week earlier.  It was a missed miscarriage.

I was in a daze.  I went home and held my nephews tight.  The two-year-old was especially cuddly, as if he knew I needed a little extra sweetness.  I didn't want to tell anyone, that would make it real.  But we began letting family know that we lost the baby.   We had talked early on in the pregnancy about whether or not to tell people, but Jeff and I both thought that it was worth telling family and close friends because they were our support network in case something went wrong.  Looking back, I'm so glad that was our decision.  They celebrated the highs with us, and when the lows came, they gathered around us and covered us with love and support and prayer.  I was especially glad to be living with family at that point - they helped me feel normal.  The boys still wanted to play and snuggle, which helped take my mind off things and reminded me to be thankful for what I did have.

A few days later, still having not passed anything, I had a D&C.   The procedure and recovery process went smoothly, from a physical standpoint.  I hated it though, knowing that it was the last day I would carry our first child.

Things have mostly gone back to normal at this point.  I still miss carrying our child, and I'm still heartbroken about it.  I think I always will be.  I wish I didn't know what it was like to lose a baby.  I never thought this was something that would happen to me.  I knew it was pretty common to miscarry, especially in the first trimester.   But I am thankful that I got to see its little face and hear its heartbeat.  And I'm truly thankful for the 8 weeks and 6 days that I got to carry our sweet baby.

Lake Texoma

Several weeks ago, Jeff and I went on our first camping trip of the year!  It was a short trip - we left on Friday around noon and got back about the same time on Saturday.  We went up to Lake Texoma, which straddles the Texas-Oklahoma border.  It was also probably the shortest hike in to a campsite we've done so far, only about half a mile, but we found a great camping spot (or so we thought) and didn't want to pass it up.

Friday was just a gorgeous day!  It was warm enough to hike and walk around in shorts and a tshirt.  After going up and down several steep hills, we found a path along the drop-off that led down to the lake shore.  There was a rocky surface that was relatively flat - perfect for the tent! - which dropped off as well.  It was roughly 30 feet from the edge of the water.  We had a great view of the lake, and it was quite, and far enough off the path that we wouldn't be bothered by other people.  In fact, many people didn't even see us down there, we gave them a fright when we yelled hi...  We set up the tent and then Jeff began collecting firewood while I blew up the camping pads.

Jeff, of course, loves his camping saw.  After an hour or so, we had a pretty good pile of firewood, so we grabbed the hammock and took a little nap.  Definitely scared some runners from the hammock - we were apparently well camouflaged.  As the sun was setting, we got a fire going and enjoyed a nice hot meal while watching the sun set.

working on the firewood

we love our Eno double nest - perfect for napping by the lake :)

surprise!

Now, when we were getting ready to go to sleep, I started to hear some noises.  Coyotes, apparently.  That freaked me out a little since it was the first time I could hear larger wild animals being somewhat close by.  Nothing happened with that, but I did feel pretty vulnerable, having nothing but a measly tent separating me from the coyotes.

The real issue became apparent around 2:30 am.  This is when the wind all of a sudden picked up.  Not a breeze, but 15-20 mph gusts, right off the lake.  Since we were on the shore, we had no protection from the wind.  (Next time, we're back in the woods.)  The noise didn't bother us much, but the huge drop in temperature did.  We had checked the weather before we left - it was supposed to get down to the high 40s.  Well, at 3am, it was 40, with the wind chill making it more like 30.  It felt every bit of below freezing.  Our bags are rated for 30 degrees, but neither of us could get warm.  I had long johns on, and put on sweats on top of that - no joy.  There wasn't much sleep to be had from that point on.  The wind didn't die down either, it was still freezing the snot out of our noses as we rushed to start a fire and eat some oatmeal and pack up camp.  We decided not to stick around since we were miserably cold and rain was moving in.  I couldn't feel my fingers or my hands again until about 15 minutes into the car ride home.

the wind blew the fire sideways all morning... it was pretty miserable out

dinosaur eggs for breakfast!!!!! haven't had these since I was reaaaaaally young...

Even with the rough night/morning, it still was a fun trip for us, and we were glad to get a chance to break out the camping gear and spend some one on one time together.

10 Years

10 years ago today, we found out that my dad had cancer.  The following 8 months were some of the most difficult of my life, but throughout the whole ordeal, my dad would tell us that every day was a bonus day, something that we should be thankful for.  Today, my dad is healthy (and running 12 miles at the moment...), and enjoying all the adventures the last 10 years has brought him.  Today, we celebrate 10 years of bonus days! Here's to many more :)

The Gingerbread Extravaganza

When my family started planning for Christmas holidays this year, the topic of gingerbread houses came up.  In the past, my dad has helped make some really cool ones, like the hobbit hole that he made with our cousins.  What started as a joke about making Lonely Mountain (clearly, there's a theme here - we're big Hobbit fans), turned into an actual plan to make Lonely Mountain and the lake and Laketown with the dwarves coming down the river in barrels.  So not just any gingerbread house, but an extravagant gingerbread scene.  It wasn't a quick process - it took the better part of a week - and there were many people involved.  In the end though, it looked pretty awesome!!!

It started off with a big tabletop and rice krispies sculpted and molded into the shape of Lonely Mountain.  Also molded out of rice krispies were the rocky hills by the mouth of the river and the head of Smaug, which was then covered in chocolate.  The lake was made out of crushed jolly ranchers, which were melted in the oven and then sealed together with extra jolly rancher powder and a propane torch.

putting Smaug onto the pipe

After that, my mother made some marshmallow fondant to cover Lonely Mountain and the hills. Then we used Rolos and more fondant to make the dwarves in the barrels.

dwarves in progress!  The one in the back has its legs sticking out

Once all of the lake pieces were sealed together, we made Hollywood glass (sugar glass) to pour on top of it to make it even and less sticky.  At first, it was glassy and reflective, but it ended up becoming super sticky later on.  Humidity maybe?  We had to be really careful while pouring out the molten sugar since it could burn us badly.  It also hardened a lot fast than we anticipated, making the spreading difficult.  The Hollywood glass also turned the lake kind of green.  Not what we were expecting!

making the Hollywood glass

Then it was time to make the gingerbread houses!  We cut out the pieces, and then they were glued together with royal icing and set aside to be decorated.

Then, I got to decorate Lonely Mountain with gold coins (butterscotch wafers sprayed with metallic paint) and decorate the arch welcoming the dwarves into Laketown.

Next came the bridge into Laketown, which would also cover the wires and the battery pack for the LED lights we were putting beneath the houses.  Once the bridge was built, we laid out the position of the houses with toothpicks and set graham crackers on top of the lights to hold them in place until the houses were finished.

Then it was time for the houses!!!  My older sister had a couple of her fellow PhD students over to help decorate, and they did a great job!  My sister's house had a deck and a hot tub out back, one of the other houses had a big face on it, and a third house had a circular window cut out with a candy man sticking out of it.  My house was the last to go on, and it had a little porch and a ladder going down to a canoe molded out of a tootsie roll.  We laid a little floating path between the houses and cut up some Swedish fish to look like they were jumping out of the lake.

This is what it looked like in the end!!!

The final touch was to make smoke come out of Smaug's mouth.  This was done with some tubing, tupperware, and dry ice.  It looked really cool!  Of course, we couldn't just leave it at that...  Since we had a filmmaker staying with us, there had to be a video!  Sadly, I missed out on this last bit of fun (and on eating the thing!) since it happened just after we left for Texas.  Overall though, it was a really fun process!  An extravaganza for sure :)

2013 Smaug from Joe Winston on Vimeo.